A New Dawn

Well, here we are on the cusp of a new year and I haven't written anything since August! How can this be? Have I gone brain dead or something (don't answer!). Have I lost interested in everything? Is there nothing I feel inspired to write about? Well, there have been a lot of things which have caught my interest, but I have just not been motivated enough to write anything, I suppose I have just been going through a phase of extreme lazyitus.

This is all about to change - no wait!........It HAS changed by virtue of the fact that I am actually writing at this moment. I have announced to my children my desire to start blogging again and have been given some sage advice from one of them and that is to stay off the subject of religion. Well, you don't have to look back very far in my blog postings to get a hint of my leanings in that direction, so I won't comment again unless some news story just sits up and begs comment, so I guess it wont be long then......!

Christmas has come and gone and we have all been caught up in the spirit of love and forgiveness for our fellow man - or woman. Of course we have. Have we bollocks?!?.....not a literal question of course as it is clear we don't all have bollocks mainly due to gender related constraints, but if the spirit of love and forgiveness has been adopted then life will be so much better from now on. People will no longer be winding me up so much and I might even change my attitude to humanity in general! Life is about relationships, and if people choose to be shit in their relationships with others then that is their  business, but please don't involve me in that as I have enough issues of my own without having other people's pathetic hang ups dumped upon me all of which could be easily done away with by a simple change of attitude and the realization that life is too short to go around baring grudges. However, I have no faith whatsoever that when the Christmas/New Year break is over and I step boldly back out into the daily grind, anything will have changed. 

Even so, there will still be moments of great positivity and inspiration with people giving of themselves to others in a completely selfless and sacrificial manner. These are people who refuse to be drawn into the norms of human selfishness, hate, depravity and greed, who will not just go that extra mile for their fellow man, but many miles - even to the point of collapse. Most of these people go unnoticed and in the main, unreported. Many will not be acting in response to any religious beliefs, but just to their common humanity to their fellow man. They are not looking for fame or fortune, but just following their instincts and love in the service of others. Most people are decent and kind, though some believe that charity starts at home while forgetting that home is not meant to be the end point! I am of course aiming these musings at myself as well as anyone who might be reading this, as I don't want this to sound like some sanctimonious sermon which turns people off and makes them want to reach for their vomit bag! I just find certain aspects of life, and humanity in general very depressing and I believe it would only take a very small change in common decency and the way people act to transform the world and society in general to being a much kinder and more tolerant place.

Here's wishing a very happy and fulfilling new year to all my readers.

Change and feeling

I feel the urge to write, though I'm not sure what. I feel as if my life is taking a radical change in direction, and things will never be the same again. There are so many things I want to do with my life, and I am more and more conscious of how rapidly life is passing me by. My creative instincts are taking over, and I feel the need to create much because it is a part of what makes us human.

I have a great need of beauty. music, countryside, landscape. That's probably why I love photography so much. Its a chance to capture beauty, and preserve it to ponder over later, and for future generations. The power of music and wonderful images together can stir the soul, inspire, and even change lives. I feel my life being changed..irrevocably. I am changing, growing older, moving on, dying, transforming, loving........and feeling sadness.

I guess I'm feeling somewhat doleful, or even maudlin. I have a warm glow of anticipation, and yet a sadness that the things and people I love in life are changing and disappearing. Its important to hang onto the things and people who you love. Its important to use your creative talents to good effect,. Its important to be truthful and keep a sense of proportion and humour. Its also important to realise that no matter how bad life might seem at the moment, it will change - but not always for the better. Even so, I cope.

For the Love of Mother

I took my mother for a ride today. I took my mother who carried me in her womb, brought me into the world, cared for me, and looked after me until I was allegedly able to look after myself.


I took my mother for a ride today in her wheelchair. I took my mother who loved and cared so much that she suddenly appeared to me one day on King's Cross Station just in time to hand to me the pair of RAF shoes I had forgotten to pack in my bag before finishing a spell of home leave and returning to camp when I was an airman.


I took my mother for a ride today in her wheelchair in the sunshine who took me regularly to the Co-op on Wood Green High Street to kit me out with new school kit at the beginning of each new school year, and then took me for refreshment afterwards in Lyon's Restaurant which is stuck in my psyche as being staffed mainly by fat, black women.


I took my mother for a ride today in her wheelchair in the sunshine in the park who bought me a comic to read every weekday to look forward to when I came home from school. On Monday she bought me the Topper. On Tuesday she bought me the Beezer. On Wednesday she bought me the Dandy. On Thursday she bought me the Beano. On Friday she bought me the Victor in which I read about Matt Braddock VC and Alf Tupper who was the Tough of the track (or was it the Tuff)? On Saturdays I bought myself the Eagle. Shame about the Eagle. If it was on sale today, I would still buy it.


I took my mother for a ride today in her wheelchair in the sunshine in the park so she could enjoy the sights and sounds of ducks on the pond, the soft warm breeze in her face, the children playing, the young men fishing, the people lying on the sun drenched grass and others conversing happily as they walked in the sunshine.


My mother could not walk in the sunshine. Her legs are far too swollen and painful. Her lungs are unable to oxygenate her body sufficiently to walk a few steps without getting more out of breath than I do after I have completed a six mile run. If she so much as taps her delicate skin against any hard object she bruises like I might bruise if a boxer had punched me hard and ungloved. Her body is in a state of rapid decline and I can only watch, while trying to do small kindnesses to ease her pain and bring some happiness and comfort into the very late Autumn of her life.


I think back over the years to the time when I was a small child. That was well over fifty years ago and the memories are still fresh, like only yesterday. On Sundays she would slave in the kitchen preparing Sunday Lunch - always a full roast, while I would go for a long walk with my father, often to Brookman's Park, and always with Buster the dog. During the week, she would always make sure I was up in time and had a proper breakfast before school. She never had a career. She had a series of smaller jobs which meant she was always home for me when I arrived home. There was no chance I would ever be a latch-key child.


Now the years have flown and the lie of the land has changed beyond recognition. My Dad died in 1999, and since then my brother and I have taken it in turns to visit our mother. In the years since 1999, time has cruelly killed off all her remaining friends except one. Despite her painful infirmities she continues to care about her family as if we were still small children. Her brain is good and sharp. She says what she thinks, and because she has nothing to lose she can laugh at the ironies and injustice's which plague her. She has a keen sense of humour.

We all change. A work colleague remarked to me a few weeks ago that if you grow old, then it is a privilege as many are snuffed out in their youth, let alone their prime. We all think we are immortal. I know I still think and feel as a young man - and then I look in the mirror! Nothing stays the same, and everything gets taken away - eventually. I try to look after what I have got. I fight the ravages of aging by frequent exercise and attention to diet. I see in my mother the root of my own flesh and blood. I revere her spirit and kindly nature. I continue, like my brother, to visit her as long as I have the privilege to experience her living presence. Then, I will weep.....................