A walk in the Park in Paris

After refreshing ourselves we began walking. We began walking towards the tower of Montparnasse which was signposted. Because it was signposted, we didn't bother looking at the map. This made things that bit more interesting because if you don't know the territory or what lies between you and your destination, then there is the potential for magical and unexpected discoveries to be made.

We walked up along the side of the Odeon theatre, following the signs, across various roads, following the signs, along various streets, still following the signs and came across an elaborate high metal fence with grand ornate gates suggestive of royalty. Looking through the railings we saw what appeared to be a magic garden with elves and unicorns, witches, straw men, and cottages made out of sweets. Well, not really, but it was hot, we were like love-lorn sweethearts walking hand in hand on a magic carpet of expectation in the City of Light, so a little fantasising was understandable. We walked through the gates.

We found ourselves in a beautiful park, none other than the Jardin Du Luxembourg which is the largest park in the city. There before us was the magnificent Palais Du Luxembourg, an impressive palatial building which is today the seat of the Senate, the second chamber of the French parliament. The park and the Palais were created in 1612 for Marie de' Medici who was the widow of Henri IV.

The gardens making up the park are truly lovely with lots of paths to walk along – or jog along such was the wont of some, set amongst wooded and open grassed areas where people lounged picnicking or just frolicking in the Paris sunshine.

There is a large pond, or maybe a lake, depending upon your point of view, to the front of the Palais upon which there floated several model boats hired from a boat vendor by visiting children.

We came upon an enchanting fountain. This was a fantastic baroque work of art, designed in 1624 and known as the Fontaine de Medicis. It is surrounded by trees and located at the end of a small 50 meter long rectangular pond. There is seating provided so you can just sit and admire the fountain and its component sculptures. We spent time slowly walking around it and taking lots of photographs. Its one of those structures which cries out to be photographed as whichever way you look at it, its a picture.

Walking amongst the tree lined paths, I strayed off onto a grassed area to admire a view from a different angle and maybe take a photograph or two. Before I knew what was happening, I was being shooed off and back onto the path by a park patrol man dressed in close to traditional Gendarme (Allo Allo ) apparel. I was a little surprised as there were others walking all over the place as well, and then I noticed that most people were lounging together on areas of grass set aside for that purpose, which of course, my bit of grass was not! At least I wasn't being forcibly escorted out of the park as I witnessed being done to one such critter . I don't know what he'd done but he'd definitely upset somebody. Being a peaceable law abiding sort of guy myself (though I am known to take the odd liberty, so I'm not entirely boring), I found it reassuring that there was this security presence in the park, but at the same time I suppose it was rather sad that it was deemed to be necessary, but that's life.

In one corner of the park there was a small and attractive building – a sort of ornamental granny flat type of place. Homing in on it, I realized that there was an art exhibition inside, and the wonderful thing was it was free admission. This, of course, appealed to me a lot as I have a firm belief in not looking a gift horse in the mouth, and safe-guarding my bank balance. My wife followed in after me. All the paintings were by one artist, and I never noted who it was, so I can't tell you, so don't ask! However, the one abiding memory was of very attractive, almost florescently coloured paintings with a certain cartoon and fantasy quality about them. I love looking at paintings, and I often find myself wandering around art shops in shopping malls and other such places. I never buy, as I can never justify the cost to myself, and keep thinking that I ought to take up painting myself and produce my own masterpieces. But of course, I never do.

We returned to the park later after a trip to the roof of the Monparnasse Skyscraper. We were feeling extremely hungry, and tired, so it was nice just to sit and relax on a park bench in a shady spot in the late afternoon Paris sunshine. Indeed, just lazing around as we were seemed to be a pre-occupation with many of the locals as I saw many people sprawled out asleep (or dead??) in various contortions of unconscious bliss throughout the park. We had a “sub” each and a drink bought from the local “Subway”. OK, I know this was Paris and we should have been eating snails, but no – we needed something we could guarantee we could eat. And eat we did – and drink. After a further period of relaxation and contemplation I felt life returning to my otherwise exhausted body, like an empowering river extending to the outer reaches of my resting limbs. The energy had returned along with my will to explore. We headed out of the park towards an imposing domed building straight ahead of us. This was the Pantheon.

Shed building for beginners

“Did you get it up at the weekend?” Asked my work colleague.

“Yes” I replied proudly, feeling very pleased with my erection. We were, of course, talking about my new shed.

Now, I have to admit that when it comes to almost any do-it-yourself type project, I am a walking disaster. If there is a wrong way to put things together, you can be sure that I will find it. Indeed, only a year or so ago, I fitted some coat hooks to the wall of our utility room at a cost of around £200. I managed to drill through some live electric wires and nearly destroyed the water boiler in the process. I recently fitted a security lock to a door. It all works OK, the only trouble being its back to front. My wife bought me an assemble it yourself robot one Christmas. I managed to put it together, except that it runs backwards instead of forwards. You can therefore imagine my dismay when my wife insisted we really had to have a new shed. I agreed that, yes, we really did need one. What I didn't need was all the aggravation of putting it together.

Anyway, following visits to local garden centres it became clear if we bought it from any of them we would need to re-mortgage the house. There was only one solution, and that was a trip to Wilkinsons. Peering through the catalogue, we picked out a classic 8 feet by 6 feet wooden shed with a double door. Having dutifully handed over the £200 plus £20 for delivery, we got on with the rest of our lives in anticipation of it's delivery.

A week or so later, it duly arrived in all all its disassembled glory. It was all propped up against the wall at the side of my house, so I moved it onto the patio under the gazebo to shelter it from the rain. My wife was worried about it getting wet. Of course, once it was erected it wouldn't get wet any more! We covered it over with plastic sheeting for good measure, and there it lay for the following week through torrential rain and high winds which destroyed the cover of the gazebo.

Finally, the weekend and good weather converged and there was no time to waste but to get on and build it. We got up early. We pulled back the covers and there it all was in a big shambolic pile, laughing at me and cocking a snoot at how useless I am. I sat weeping and wailing in despair. I would far rather have been looking at books in W H Smith, or CDs and DVDs in Zavvi. I decided to pull myself together.

Right!” I said, I'll go and get the hammer and screw driver and get started”. My wife nearly wet herself in hysterical laughter, rubbing in even further my DIY ineptness. She then reminded me that we had to do the very thing which a man never does, and that is check and count all the pieces. Fighting back my desire to start bashing nails with abandon – or even with the hammer, we checked everything, down to the last nail. It was all there. A miracle. Time to really start the building.

After diligently studying the plans, it became apparent that hammering was not the primary means of holding it together, but screws. Of course, I should have twigged the clue when we were checking all the components – there were far more screws than nails. It was clear that we had some very serious screwing ahead of us. In fact, I don't believe my wife and I have ever screwed so much in one day – it was a screwing marathon, a veritable “screwathon!”

After screwing the floor to the base formers, I left my wife screwing the hinges to the doors, while I took a load of waste to the recycling centre. Unfortunately, while I was away, the hinges found themselves being attached in the wrong positions – too close together instead of at the top and bottom of each door - where they should have been. I decided it would be best if I corrected the mistake, so sending my wife off on a wifely chore, I made my hands and wrists ache with intense screwing.

My wife had already assembled the windows, earlier, just like on Blue Peter, and it was now clear we needed to get it up.

After laying the base on the patio and propping it up with brick supports where it overhung onto the lawn or where the patio itself dipped, we started to get the side in position. This again, involved a lot of manoeuvring and screwing as well as a certain amount of banging. Next, we got the roof on. It was now getting late in the day and we were both shagged out. There's only so much banging and screwing you can take in a day, but at least we got it up.

The next morning was an early start. We had to get laid the roof covering. After cutting it into strips, we draped it over and got banging again tacking it into position. Our shed was now complete, but for the weather proofing which I accomplished the following weekend following a trip to the garden centre. We are now a two shed couple, another step up the social ladder!

Dances with Spiders

Aren't spiders wonderful? Some people love them, some people hate them. I am somewhere between the two, but leaning more towards the latter. I've never had a problem with money spiders - they're too small and supposed to bring you good fortune. I did have a problem with a big black spider which came racing up my bed sheets when I was a child after I had just gone to bed. I was reading one of my favourite comic books before putting the light out. The moment I caught sight of this uninvited guest, something primordial inside of me screamed in abject terror and I was out of that bed a lot quicker than I got into it! My dad, hearing my hapless cries of distress finally came up and flattened it under the heel of a shoe. I slept very uneasily that night!

Some years later, I photographed the fellow pictured on the right. Although you can't tell from the photo, its about half the size of an adult hand, green body with yellow markings and red spots. He's (or she's - do spiders have gender???) a tree spider I photographed from a respectable distance with a telephoto lens. Even then, I couldn't stop shaking. At the time he was suspended on his web which was spread between two trees near to where I was living in Singapore. They can give you a nasty bite, though I am told they are not fatal. A few days after this shot was taken, a friend of mine, not seeing the web, ran through the centre of it and spotted the spider when it was perched on the middle of his chest. He panicked when he saw it, and the spider very quickly met an untimely end! On another occasion, I was standing under a tree, when one of these same spiders dropped out of the branches and landed on my right shoulder. I felt it land, but my friend (the one just mentioned) told me to stand still and don't move. I didn't know at this stage it was a tree spider sat on my shoulder! If I had, I probably wouldn't be here now writing about it - I'd be dead with shock!! He then grapped a thick magazine, rolled it up, and zapped it off my shoulder. On yet another occasion, again in Singapore, I was sat on the toilet at the "Halfway House" Restaurant and Bar at Bukit Timah. I was sat very peacefully, when something black caught my peripheral vision. Turning my head to look at the wall beside me was a big black, hairy, fat bodied man-eating shit a brick spider! Well, I can tell you, I have never left a toilet in such a panic and at such speed in my life! In 2004, I took my wife on holiday to Singapore. Asking a local where all the spiders were - I hadn't spotted one, he told me there wasn't any! Somewhat surprised I asked him why, and he told me that some years previous, the government had taken a decision to spray the island to destroy all the crawlie nasties! No doubt, this was a ruse to attract more visitors to the island, including arachnaphobics! Sometimes money is more important than wildlife!

A couple of weeks ago, my wife asked me to clean out the garden shed - I get all the good jobs. Garden sheds are notorious for housing various varieties of our arachnid friends, and this fact probably had something to do with my wife asking me to do it! Well, I can tell you the place was crawling with them. I vacuumed them all up with our old cylinder vacuum cleaner. The bag was writhing with spiders when I deposited it in the wheelie bin. The shed was devoid of spiders. Long may it be so - but I doubt it!